


What is in your pants? Maybe a class x radical, but IDK

by At_dawn_you_find_me



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Class x radical, Comedy, Episode: s03e22 Juno Steel and What Lies Beyond, Fluff, Juno Steel and What Lies Beyond (part 2), Multi, Nureyev's pockets, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 13:13:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30123279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/At_dawn_you_find_me/pseuds/At_dawn_you_find_me
Summary: "Do you really have a class x radical in your pants?""To tell you the truth Juno, I have no idea."_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________Playing with the possibility of Peter having a class x radical in his pockets and not knowing it.
Relationships: Juno Steel & Sasha Wire, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	What is in your pants? Maybe a class x radical, but IDK

"I would not ask again Juno, where is the class x radical?"

"How would I know!? You not even tell me what it is!"

In that moment two dark matters agents come...they have caught Nureyev.

"Director, we found the thieve."

"Perfect, bring him to the kitchen."

oH, no. Last time Nureyev had been to the kitchen, he had almost flooded the Carte Blanche, and he was not even cooking. And maybe yes, that would help us escape, but my plan is cooler (thank you very much), and it doesn't involve the possibility of burning to death.

Luckily it seems Nureyev thinks the same.

"I would have to correct you in that Agent Wire. I have been told that I am, how was it, ah "A public danger" when I´m in the kitchen. May I suggest Juno's room as a better option?"

Sasha looks at me, a silent threat while trying to decide if it is a tramp or not. If it is, I don't know but it is better than the kitchen, so I nod.

"Very well, Agent O, Agent Y, escort him to Juno's room. And thief, is Director Wire."

"Really? Congratulations! A well-deserved promotion."

We walk into my room, the crooks set Nureyev on the bed, strong hands gripping his shoulders like he might disappear.

Sasha looks at me, and I perform my role.

"So, Ransom, do you know where this class x radical might be? Em, they are letting us leave if we cooperate."

"Class x radical you say, the ruby seven, perhaps? If so, I have not the slightest idea where it might be."

I look at Sasha, her face is impassive, but her eyes seem to glint with frustration.

"Come on, work with me Ransom."

"Oh Juno, you know I love working with you" Damn it, of course he would be like this, and as much as I like it, I prefer if Sasha doesn't see me blush, thanks. "But," the bullshit-sap continues, "if it isn't the ruby seven what they are looking for, it might be in my pockets."

"That is, actually possible." I say to Sasha, but mostly to myself, if he didn't send the distress signal, why is he cooperating with Dark Matters? Is this an escape plan I don't see or...?

"Agent O, inspect the Thief's pocket."

"Please, Director Wire: you are Juno's friend, call me Ransom." The agents seem rather comfortable rummaging through his pockets, I may fear for them, I’ve put my hand in Nureyev’s pockets, it wasn't pretty.

Agent Y pulls out a recorder and starts saying out loud their content.

"Object 1: rabbit fur, probably Marsian but maybe Venusian.

Object 2: A pair of pink-colored sunglasses.

Object 3: An unidentified washing machine.

Object 4: A Harmonica from the Astoria Museum of Music.

Object 5: A bottle of greenish paint, its more aquamarine.

Object 6: The broken mirror of commander Yakota.

Object 7: A bag of baby carrots.

Object 8: A Saturn dictionary made by the Norma company.

Object 9: Period pads from the brand Always.

Object 10: The diamond of the dignitaries of Tenussian."

"This is ridiculous," Agent O says, "How can that many things fit in someone’s pocket?"

"Years of pickpocketing teach you how to compartmentalize things." Responds Nureyev and I can tell he is enjoying this.

Agent O lists another twenty objects: two black-inked pens (one with ink, one without), a boom box, a controller, one of Rita's hair tail, a screw, three maps from two different facilities, a dove (don't ask me, he is a master thief after all), three small bars of soap: the kind they give you at hotels, a tube of lipstick, a plush cat Rita gave him, etc.

"Director Wire," Nureyev said after the Twenty-three object, "I am afraid I owe you an apology, if I had an X radical in my pockets it might be on my jacket. Is in the closet over there, the yellow one with sparkles."

Sasha gives me a look, that says: "I kind believe you are dating this weirdo-drama queen." I send her another saying: "Well I am a weirdo-drama queen." She shrugs in agreement, the asshole.

They discover other three weird objects, (the stockings of a known dignitary, agent Y was able to identify because, a screwdriver (from Jet), and the beaded necklace I won in a party, before they found what Nureyev was looking for.

A pair of handcuffs (Call me romantic, but they are the ones I used, I'm sure) and a gas bomb.

Before the agents register it, they are handcuff with one another, and the room is full of smoke.

I follow his cue, and both go to reunite with Buddy.

"Do you really have a class x radical in your pants?"

"To tell you the truth Juno, I have no idea."

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really quick draft, so sorry for any mistakes. English is not my first language. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you like it.
> 
> This was inspire by some tumblr posts I'm too lazy to look for.


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